Roman Tic and The Riddler Tie for First Place

We had a tie for first place in our 2015 LWC version of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest—or LWCBLFC, for short, because I'm sure you can all remember that. It was a night rife with exaggerated alliteration, grating metaphors, in-your-face clichés, forced passive constructions, lazy “telling,” melodramatic characters, muddled story worlds, and so much more.

Roman Tic penned the dreadful "romantica" DE SOUL earning her the tie for first place. If only she and Alexander Xavier Harper (who penned a horrid adults-only tale of flatulence and love of country called OH, WHAT A NIGHT) would form a writing partnership, I am certain the two could write some truly atrocious "erotica." Harper squeaked out a third-place win for his gem. If it’s any indication of just how ineffective their "lusty" tales were, the temperature in the room actually dropped a degree when they read.

The author known only as The Riddler earned the tied spot for first place. She wove a ludicrous little ditty of fishiness. It was so bad, according to The Riddler, that she deemed it not even worthy of a title.

Ima Morona earned second place with her moronic story of rage expressed through a Yoo-hoo bottle in a squalid motel parking lot. It was unimaginatively titled INKY CLOSTRIDIUM GETS MAD.

Don’t worry. If you didn’t get to participate this year, our third annual LWCBLFC is scheduled for January 2016. Get your noms de plume ready!

Bad-Writing Competition

The Living Writers Collective’s version of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

  Hello, Collectivians (that’s a great new word I’ve just invented), it is the time of year for our world renowned bad-writing competition. Maybe that should be Spring Hill renowned. In any event it will be held on Thursday evening, January 15, at the Excel building at Rippavilla from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. This event takes place annually and is sponsored by the Living Writers Collective Uncreative Writing Program, led by Alexander Xavier Harper.

Anyone interested in participating in this prestigious event should first consult "The Bulmer-Lytton Fiction Contest" by Googling the site, reading about the latest winners, and understanding the rules of how the contest is conducted. We use the same rules of combat.

Our official rules state that the winner of the contest will win a magnificent solid-gold trophy, the winner chosen by secret ballot of the members present. This year the rules have been modified to include entries from members not able to attend the meeting. Entries may be sent by electronic mail as an attachment to alexanderxavierharper@yahoo.com for inclusion into the competition. Entries by e-mail close at 12:00 midday, Thursday, January 15. Entries will be printed out by AXH and submitted to the selection committee.

 A winner not present at the meeting may claim his or her trophy (under the cover of darkness) from the home of AXH. It is generally expected that any member submitting entries use a nom de plume (for obvious reasons). A writer may create one or more entries using his or her writing skills to generate a short, concise paragraph that best describes the object of the competition, using humor or any other method to produce a fine work of crappy literature.

Alexander Xavier Harper January 2015